Get All Mushy With These Humorous Quotes About Love

It’s been said that humans cannot exist without air, water, food…and love. Love comes in many forms—love of a partner, of family and of friends. Here are a few humorous quotes that remind us to see the lighter side of the people we love that are great to add to your Best Man or Maid of Honor wedding speeches.

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” – Patrick Murray

British actor and comic Patrick Murray doesn’t know a good thing when he has it. The Only Fools and Horses star has been lucky enough to be married a couple of times, even if it does sound like there’s been a bit of love lost! Here’s hoping his luck turned around for him.

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

Who knew that being disgruntled by love went as far back as 400-and-something BC? One of the greatest minds in Ancient Greece, philosopher Socrates was married to Xanthippe, a woman much younger than him; together they had three sons. Despite Socrates’ musings on marriage, Plato described Xanthippe as a devoted wife and mother.

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

You won’t be surprised to find out that this musing on the love shared between friends was penned by the man who wrote Psycho. Bloch’s text would later be adapted into Alfred Hitchcock’s most famous suspenseful thriller of the same name. Despite his twisted humor, Bloch maintained many good friends, such as American science fiction writer C.L Moore.

“My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” – Wendy Liebman

This tale of the practical side of love is proudly brought to you by comedienne Wendy Liebman, who married someone who no doubt needed the TV screen in his life, producer and Jeff Sherman, who brought The Velveteen Rabbit to the big screen in 1984.

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Legendary comic Rodney Dangerfield was known for his catchphrase “I don’t get no respect,” and this may have been the case with his first wife, whom he married twice. Luckily for Dangerfield, he got what he asked for in second wife Joan Child, with whom he was married until his death. At his memorial service, mourners released monarch butterflies into the sky, where Joan had the word “RESPECT” emblazoned.

“To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.” – Rita Rudner

Love is hard to find, and comedienne Rita Rudner knows it. She’s one of the world’s most successful female comics but knows everyone needs that extra edge when looking for love. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed these musings on love, brought to you by some of the world’s biggest wisecracks. Make sure you share them with someone you love today.