Proper Etiquette for Calling off a Wedding
Whatever the reason for calling off your wedding plans, it can be devastating- or a giant relief- and the plain truth is, it’s always better to realize it before the wedding instead of after. But there’s no need to do it Jennifer Wilbanks-style; just ask the infamous runaway bride and her community service self…
You Don’t Have to Give a Reason
If you haven’t sent out the invitations yet, but you’ve told a few friends casually over the phone about the engagement, a similar form of communication is all that is needed to let them know the deal is off. If you’ve sent out the invitations, a printed announcement is the proper way to inform guests of the broken engagement. The good news is, in either case, you won’t have to give a reason ‘why’. Many guests will no doubt want an explanation but you are not required to divulge any information unless you feel you want to.
Inform Immediately
If the engagement is called off just a day or two before the wedding, it is the utmost of necessity that you inform guests of the cancellation immediately as many will have made travel plans or other reservations that will need to be changed. Recruiting friends and family members to help spread the word by phone or e-mail will take some of the load off of your shoulders-on many different levels. As a general rule in wedding etiquette, if the wedding is cancelled less than three weeks before the scheduled date, a phone call is in order and a printed announcement should be sent when time allows.
Returning Rings and Gifts
Customarily-although widely debated-the bride will return the ring to the groom after the wedding is called off and any gifts that may have been received should be returned to the sender.
Inform the Vendors
As for the vendors of your wedding, the earlier you notify them, the better. Check your contracts to determine their cancellation fees. You should get back a certain percentage of your deposits but that depends on how far the cancellation is from the wedding. In some cases, you may be able to recoup all of your deposit money, although it is not unheard of for vendors to take a certain percentage of the deposit as a cancellation fee.
Move On!
Eventually, everyone, including you, will move back into the rhythm of their own life. The short term pain to save long term heartache that spins off into hundreds of issues- from the personal to the legal- will probably be worth it in the end. When you look back, you will more than likely be able to say you made the right decision. Getting to that point is the next issue, right? Just take it one day at a time.
