Witty Wedding Quotes

The secret to a captivating toast is always that witty saying added to the end or wherever else suitable. It can make the bride and the groom crack up, or take the guests down the memory lane thinking of their own weddings. Here are some witty wedding quotes to give your wedding speeches and toasts an edge.

Charles Dickens

‘When you’re a married man, Samivel, you’ll understand a good many things as you don’t understand now; but whether it’s worth while going through so much to learn so little, as the charity boy said ven he got to the end of the alphabet, is a matter o’taste.’ Sam Weller – Pickwick Papers

Benjamin Disraeli

‘I have always thought that every woman should marry and no man.’

Henry Ford

‘Coming together is a beginning;
keeping together is progress;
working together is success.

George Meredith

‘Woman will be the last thing civilised by man.’

William Shakespeare

‘When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.’

George Bernard Shaw

‘It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as possible.’

Edmund Spencer

‘And all for love, and nothing for reward.’

Robert Louis Stevenson

‘Times are changed with him who married; there are no more by-path meadows, where you may innocently linger, but the road lies long and straight and dusty to the grave.’

William M Thackeray

‘Remember it’s as easy to marry a rich woman as a poor woman.’

Artemus Ward

‘He is dreadfully married. He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.’

Oscar Wilde

‘Women are meant to be loved, not understood.’

PG Wodehouse

‘Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.’

Anonymous

‘The most popular after-dinner speech on record was made by a man dining with his wife alone in the privacy of their home, and it consisted of one sentence containing seven words of one syllable:

“You leave them, dear, I’ll do them.”

‘Apologise to a man if you’re wrong, but to a woman even if you’re right.’

Jane Austen

‘A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.’

Francis Bacon

‘Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men’s nurses.’

George Eliot

‘Blessed is the man who having nothing to say abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.’

La Rochefoucauld

‘An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being in a condition to set a bad example.’

William Shakespeare

‘I am no orator as Brutus is; but you know me all a plain, blunt man.’

Homer (Odyssey)

‘There is nothing nobler or more admirable that when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.’

Anonymous

‘Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.’

‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ ‘Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police.’

‘Marriage is an attempt to turn a night owl into a homing pigeon.’

‘In public speaking, if you don’t strike oil in five minutes, stop boring.’

‘An after dinner speaker is a man who rises to the occasion and then stands too long.’

‘Men are like fish; neither would get into trouble if they kept their mouths shut.’